exploding with ramblings

Note to self: this is a mundane whining and day-to-day report kind of boring entry

well since May i have been caught up with other things like hanging out, birthday plans and parties, school administrations and relief teachings. oh and watching drama seasons online. hence, the lack of entries (or to be precise no entries).

i decided to blog after a long time because baby's in the jungles for a week. so there's minimum contact and thus, i feel like exploding with things to talk about. school officially started on monday but lucky me, mine starts on tuesday evening. so i was all excited getting my ISM finalised and anticipating the stress of the modules and expectations. and well.... i was happy to discover it would not be THAT hard for some modules. in fact, my lecturers are rather nice ppl. minus the tonnes of readings (therefore photocopying) i have to do, i think the different teaching styles of the lecturers would be interesting for us. at least you won't dread to go for classes.

well, i also have interesting assignments. investigative journalism for term paper, creative presentations, out of the box type of essays etc. but again, to achieve all this.. the tonnes of readings!! what a turn off.

ok now, my ISM. it will be on the "Malay world". i'm questioning the validity, significance and existence of this world. It is definitely something to think about but i'm not gonna go in detail here. should wait for my final paper to finish at the end of the semester.

argh.. mindless unorganized ramblings.. grr.. what a waste of time. if ppl are reading this.. well sorry for the waste of time. i really need my darling back. 5 days already... going crazy here.. hopefully tomorrow can come back.

note to self: write better entries when more focus only.

Randomness

Love.

It hurts.

The most beautiful pain ever.

Live your nows.

Happy studying Maly. May you get your focus, confidence and will.
I miss you too.

Happy birthday my dearest A'in. May you have successes and happiness.
I miss you babe.

Happy celebrating our love baby. May we achieve our hopes and dreams.
I miss you most.

Life is unfair. Full of dualities. It's funny like that.

an update

im back. not from a holiday but a long break from blogging. i actually had a lot of issues to talk about but i had lost interest in blogging about them for awhile. I also saw no reason to blog about my life in the same period. however, i got my interest back.

well an update of how I've been. one word - tired.

it has been a very trying time for me this past month. not just the exams and the mugging but i revisited my life so far and realised i'm so tired of studying. most of my friends are graduating this year. how i'm tempted to follow suit and start earning money..lotsa money. furthermore my muse won't be around in school next year. however, in the end i weighed all the pros and cons and of course extra few hundred $$ a month is worth my extra year in school. :)

ok then it was the mugging and stress that as usual got me sick to the point of me not wanting to think and just pray hard i could use logic to answer the questions.

also, i faced the most challenge this year due to the lost of my aunt 3 days before my exams. it's the first time ever that i experience lost in my family.. at least those close ones. I did not cry a lot coz she was experiencing a lot of illnesses and so, i could accept reality. however, it did affect me mentally and physically.

i started thinking of how i couldnt live without a few people in my life and how i would survive if anything happens to my loved ones. although i could convince myself that im strong i still failed to control my tears just thinking bout it.

imagine waking up one day not being able to see that smile, touch that hand, smell that nice comforting smell, hear that soothing voice, laugh at his jokes, argue and shout at his stubbornness and ego, hug and hold the one that gives so much warmth... as it is now, just being away could kill your spirit.

well there's this one other thing that has been happening in my family which i shouldn't blog about. but it has taken a whole lot of toll on me. now i'm just enjoying every moment with my baby... falling in love all over again everytime i see him. :)

i know my entry isnt congruent but i'm still in recovery so bear with me.

God pls give me strength.

the littlest things matter

littlest cringe
tiniest frown
miniscule sigh
slightest roll of the eye
littlest touch
tiniest sparkle of the eye
miniscule gratitude
slightest smile

it's just with you for you.
as time goes by...
it becomes invisible..
you become invisible..

so what now?
so what?

read me

sometimes silence says the loudest
blank paints the clearest
pretense manifests the most
and you just wish your heart is heard
your mind is transparent
your intentions are transpicuous

but then SMACK!
you're only human...
in this realm such things are not begotten.