pondering bout the what ifs..

fairus jasmin suddenly smsed me yesterday.. and then hanan.. thus i concluded they were with each other when he smsed me.. and so i was right.. i think the only reason he smsed is to ask me a question about a certain someone.. and since my reply didnt get to him he used hanan's phone to sms me.. according to hanan he smsed me after lookin at friendster. answered my question of why he would wanna sms me out of the blue.. but he insisted that he just missed me (as a friend) coz i didnt turn up for the gathering.. in his exact words "missed having your nimbly cute fingers msg-ing me" hahahaha... that's new.. i really appreciate your effort fairus.. that's the first.. that somehow made a nice closing to my year..

and well i was just looking at my friends at friendster. and how diff their lives appear to be based on the pictures they have. while mine is simple and quite similar to wat it was but a bit more excitement.. while some others' have changed. while im rather happy, i wonder what theirs are like.. and then i start ed thinking of the what ifs..

1. what if i went to another jc to be with my friends instead of going to nj alone

then i would have been more active in nus now.. coz i have plenty of enthu friends but i wun be the good friend of the current pbm pres.. haha.. i love u maly..

2. what if i had stuck with a certain other group of friends

then i would not have been the Elfareeza many ppl know and somewhat liked.

3. what if i was in a relationship with any of them

then i would have been heartbroken and unhappy. and single and angry..

then i stopped my what ifs and just be grateful for the what i have(s).... coz i realise that i am where i am now.

back from kl

i just got back from kl in the afternoon. kinda tired.. i wasnt goin but my aunt didnt get my msg and she said i promised and all.. and made me go.. so yah i went altho had lotsa planning in my head for the handover ceremony but i made sure i settled some things before i left... so i was the babysitter for my cuz at kl lah.. oh yah ilsa rocks.. obviously we won for cfa nite.. haha.. i told them so.. and anyway dah enjoy2 celebrating our not so meaningful victory coz it was a given.. my aunt called cakap nak gi kul 6 pagi instead of 11 pagi.. from 11am to 6am is a lot of diff seh.. so altho i was tired the whole weak i had to keep it up lah..

my aunt fetched me from home super early..so then we got on the road at 6.40am from my place via 2nd link.. (my aunt asked me a good qn which i wun mention here which got me thinking but oh well i noe the answer) so anyway the road in jb was hell.. how stupid was it to have road works in such times when there's only two lanes.. and my other aunt (1) who went later in the morning said the causeway was an amazingly fast moving journey. guessed everybody expected bad traffic at causeway and caused one at 2nd link instead.. anyway we took about a freakin 11 + hours to get to KL.. fgs it's only kl.. and so when we reached there we were tired.. nasib baik my uncle broad portable dvd player.. entertain us n especially my dear cuz. dah sampai the hotel ppl buat hal.. so bingit.. not recommended service for sure.. not mentioning the hotel here.. so dah dinner.. (not so good pulak tu) then kiter cumer lepak kat bilik je.. penat sangat.. tapi main2 ngan my cuz jugak lah.. then dah kena paksa tido my cuz went to her room (adjoining mine n my other aunt (2)) .. but she cudnt sleep well.. terpekik2.. kesian.. so it was kinda sleepless nite.

second day kiter gi times square theme park.. exciting lah but super crowded i ended up taking for kid rides with my cuzin.. jaga dia lah.. but nice lah.. then balik kejap then kluar teman my other aunt (2) to makan and jln2.. i cudnt really find wat i wanted but bought a tank top for me n two tshirts for adik but he cudnt fit it coz he got larger shoulders lately.. then went back but i wasnt really satisfied shoppin pasal byk cool stuff and sales.. all the things i wanted tak sempat cari.. then balik kejap lagi.. ingat tanak makan skali my other aunt (1) ajak.. so we went but i didnt eat.. too tired.. we then bought my cuz toys to please her then went back.. dah mandi nak tido my cuz still hyper.. thankfully there was 'the incredibles' on disney channel.. so i managed to get her to sit down n watch.. she almost slept with me .. but then she wanted her mummy.. so then i slept.. so did she..

we checked out this morning lah.. patut gi singgah melaka tapi tak jadi.. then went all the way home.. bought adik bubble gums.. and well didnt really buy much.. overall it was fun.. my cuz was adorable and funny.. and entertaining cuma nak layan dia masa hyper super tiring ar.. but i love her.. oh well.. but i still not satisfied shopping.. and oh..then they came to my house to eat..


tmr results

genesis 3 day fun

3 days of fun and training .. We had loads of bonding n getting-to-noe sessions lagi-lagi bila tunggu pizza.. we even get to noe dinie! haha.. he was camera man for training pictures.. n ya it was like having 2 generations of abg man... i think their dynamics was a bit diff then when they were practicing at nj.. i think lah.. from wat i saw a few times.. mebbe diff atmosphere.. but he's cute lah.. esp masa kena tuduh murderer... haha..

so newae to those who missed it.. or the eliminated survivors.. u guys shud be regretting.. haha.. newae the above pic was a success after many-many takes.. maklumlah.. timer.. n it was before lunch on third day.. sanggup semua.. haha..

oh yah fri got cfa nite.. peranakan themed dance with collaboration of the CO.. oh well a bit frustrated but still fun with the gang..

so... soon... handover..... hehe.. exciting planning it...

missing

I'm missing a certain gula-gula...someone..

unknown

well there are some things that happen in life which you just can't seem to understand. like why is it that u have a certain feeling.. why is it that ppl do certain things.. or why are things viewed in a certain way. but there are things you are very sure you do understand.. like why is it you love that one person.. why is it you do certain things or why is it you view things in a certain way.


ku bukan penderita.ku yang menderita.

comfort me

a bad day ended with a bad night.. cant sleep..

i cried today.... speechless.

"ada hati yang termanis dan penuh cinta..
tentu saja kan ku balas seisi jiwa.."

twitching

darn.. my right eye has been twitching for 3 days.. again.. i think im gonna cry again..

end of one journey

hey all. one long and challenging journey has ended.. lotsa anger and other emotions from the production should just be let go.. well most of it lah.. newae i hope we'll have a post mortem soon..

i would personally thank Abg Man for his patience, commitment and basically everything lah.. the Era dancers who have made the show very possible and brought it up to a higher standard.. for helping us, guiding us.. and entertaining me.. well friendship has been made.. and i think i miss you guys already.. (esp kak nonie & abg ariff i think whom we can only meet end of the yr) hehe.. oh yes and to both Abg Man and Era for believing in me... i would also like to thank the musicians for the great job.. and sacrifices.. err.. rafaat hamzah for helpin us last min.. oh yes and all my friends!!!!! both dancers and audience.. haha.. especially my circle of trust and faizal..

haiz.. so im having a post-production lethargy... knowing i have lotsa readings and tutorials to do.. but no energy to do so...in a daze abt other issues..

oh yes i forgot.. thanks to my friends who surprised me n made me cry.. twice.. that was the best birthday celebration ever in my life lah... so touched.. i love you guys.. and for those who remembered and for the gifts..

should i or should i not?

knowing wat the twitching was abt

if u think my last entry was intense.. it would have been worst if i blogged when i got home after that last nite.. oh well.. i am still pissed.. a few ppl would noe why.. i think it was the cause or my twitching eye which lasted for 3 days especially during practices.. but i dun think i should air laundry publicly.. im still frustrated bout it grrr.

anyway i cooled down after talking to a very nice person about it..and yeah i think i handled the situation well... at least i kept my cool and not hurt anyone.. although i really wanted to.. thanks! dats wat frenz are for.. haha.. hey but im nice to my frenz.. i love my frenz..

i would like to make a public apology to the yr 2 ilsaians (incl. ain) n faiz (u yr 1 mah).. im sorry i walked off without waiting.. but it was the better of two evils.. so ya.. i had to be alone.. i was too overwhelmed with anger and other emotions.. but i love you girls.. n err.. faiz.. haha.. especially to fairie ain n faiz who had to experience winter near me (cold attitude mah)...

perseverance...patience...

irritated

it is damn frustating to be around ppl who just cant stop complaining n do work instead whatmore those who dont even wanna do any. no offence to anybody.. but seriously.. if u noe ppl just cant do it then maybe u shud do sumtin about it.. at least when this concerns a group. i have been rather passive about things.. but it is damn f-up that so many things have been said but nuttin's done.

i mean every organisation has its faults.. and once.. or twice in your life u might see leaders who are not dat capable.. but they do complete things just not everything.. and the not everything happens to matter more..you just have to live with it.. and try ur best to make em see what irritants they are.. but im tired of listening to ppl saying "you guys should...." when in fact it is a group effort that matters.. so f-up. if you know what should be done and it is not done at a critical moment go ahead and do it.. i am not happy either but i am doin everything to try ensure our aims are met.. there's no point in complaining anymore.. if everyone complains bout what other ppl should do.. the job would not be completed ever!! and i am also tired of ppl

plus.. when you are in a group.. altho there may be differences or even though u guys may come from diff sch or sumtin.. u guys have to work in a group and feel like wat has to be done is your own responsibility also.. at least this group does not treat members as guest.. but rather colleagues.. so every single member shouldnt be complaining wat the group has not done coz it is your group!! and for those who dont even keep up with wat's happening.. you guys should just f-king leave lah..

so stop pushing your responsibilities to ppl.. stop thinking you have power in a group who gives no shit about power and stop complaining ... just do work

miss him. miss her. miss you. miss me.

ok im tired.. super duper tired.. but at least losing weight.. hehe.. oh well.. newaes.. i miss him.. i miss friends.. i miss lotsa ppl.. n im sad.. coz i got no time for most things..most things n ppl have no time for me either.. the world is an unfair.. n like i always say.. sumtimes u need to be sad to make others happy.. but i do believe in karma.. so someday all my sadness might just be worthwile..

oh well but i think it's the season for ppl to get together.. im happy for happy ppl.. n im happy to see ppl in matrimony.. ok with inverted comas.. not kahwin lah.. just together.. i mean i am happy when my friends n loved ones are happy.. even if im not .. with myself.. somehow ppl assume i am.. n therefore i have to be.. but the whole point of having ppl around u is not to rub off ur negative vibes lah.. at least dats wat i believe in.. so ya.. i would just smile .. n laugh.. n smile some more.. so the world will be a happier place.... even if its a lie..

im not the explosive kind (accordin to md noor's blog) not quite implosive either.. i just dun like to get angry.. but sumtimes u have no control lah... dats why being childish at times helps.. u tend to be happier dat way.. i think dats y i love children.. coz they have no worries.. like i was in pri sch.. they r a happy lot.. n even if they r not happy it's over silly things.. ok this is based on the normal average family lah.. but u get wat i mean..

newae the coming weeks would be very very trying.. i cant afford days off.. and losing control.. or falling sick.. i need to stay strong till 2nd Sept is over... oh yes publicity...

NUS ILSA TARI will be having our production called AKULTURASI @ UCC, 7.30pm, 1st & 2nd Sept.. tickets @ $12. Get it soon.. tickets are selling fast.. especially the one on saturday..
breathe in.. count to 10.. breathe out

i hope therapy still continues..... but guess not

disastrous!

ok so i have sat for 3 papers since monday and 2 more to go. analysis time starts now!

Malay Culture & Society(Mon)
The paper was fine. It was an open book exam and i was very prepared. I spotted topics and went through past sems exams and happens that those were the questions that were given to us. Somehow or rather i still managed to screw it up. Thanks to my oh-so-marvellous essay writing skills. ok it was bcos my english sucked.. but it was because somehow i was like kanchiong spider after writing the first essay. So my 2nd and 3rd essay is definitely disastrous!!! i guess a C is what i should expect... unless i'm being over paranoid and actually everything was done fine... (NOT!!!)

Making Sense of Society(Wed)
Soci paper was cool. I mean i came prepared and it was ok i guess. I was more calm then i was on monday. I memorised the right definitions and studied the right topics. However i was unsatisfied with my second essay. I think i was too general... aargh... a B? haiz...

Genes and Society(today)
HORRIBLE!! what the heck were we supposed to learn from this stooopid module? were we supposed to gain scientific knowledge about genes and biotechnology as in the process... or were we supposed to learn history?? About 20% of the questions were about who discovered what and which company does what... wtf.. shouldnt they concentrate on asking about enzymes and dna and rna and all other SCIENCES questions?? all i need was a pass to get the S grade since i s/u-ed it... i studied alot for this stooopid paper.. ok mebbe lack focus and memory space on the plant GE part but still... i think im gonna U this one.. aargh...

So yah it has been a very demoralizing and disastrous week.. I'm tired.. I had diarrheoa this morning.. not enough sleep.. cant wait for this phase of the sem to end..

so my aim right now is to survive 3rd May.. 2 more papers to go.. South Asians in Singapore and Law & Malay society..Both of which i least recall.. Especially the latter... I think im gonna struggle albeit its open book... I mean these lecturers are deceiving.. open book just mean higher expectations and tougher questions.. haiz.. so ya... im taking the nite off from mugging and continue tmr after i collect my mid-term script.. darn..

no more

i dun feel like blogging no more.
just wanna have a fun easy life.
have fun in sch (study too),
no activities, no pain-in-the-a**,
just spend time with boo...
laze around.. eat chocs n not get fat...
(ok the last one makes it all impossible)
but altho' its been many yrs just cant get enough
boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo
aargh..newae realised that im filled with suppressed anger.. lotsa em'
dun push the button..

kebaaaabbommm!!!

5 random/weird things bout me

well.. some ppl have got nuttin to do and decided to tag me.. so here we go..

Here are the rules:

Post 5 random/weird stuff about urself.
List 5 fellow bloggers whom u want to do the same.
Visit their blogs and tell them they've been tagged and ask them to read the rules in ur blog.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

this is hard but well...here it goes..

1. i stopped eating tauge (beansprouts) ever since i found out that it would not be digested and so if u don't chew it, when u actually do ur business u can find the whole tauge out of u.. eewww.. haha..

2. it's either im paranoid or absent-minded but almost everytime i leave the toilet i will go back in to see if i have flushed or not. err.. ya

3. i hate goin to toilets. i wonder how some girls do it. they tend to go toilet like after every lesson in school.

4. i hate coffee but i love mocha frappe!

5. i really think blogging is a waste of time but i still do it.hah!

after much thought.. i think im not weird after all.. haha

ok ppl whom i would tag:
1.yano
2.hanum nadeeyah
3.yusri
4.fairus
5.izy