Satisfied.

Alhamdulillah. I did well for exams. I'm proud of myself. All i could say was two things.
1) if only all classes were held in a seminar concept
2) if only the department wasn't as disorganize and full of miscommunications.

But well less than 5 months to go. I am certainly excited and waiting for that one last paper. "Stop writing". Then I'm gonna earn and save up. Get a car or something.

But You know what I am really looking forward to. :)

Well.. I have been really contented with life. Especially with my darling by my side. I love who I've become. Everything is going smoothly for me. I am just very thankful. Very. Very. Thankful.

toddlers & me

ok so ever since the last paper i have been "kidnapping" my young cousins. last friday we took farkhan (3 yrs old) to sleep over at our house. SOooo... kiut. geram.. he loves coming over pasal he gets attention unlike at home. well.. understood coz he has two other brothers 7 and 2 i think. so fighting (literally) is common and a bit chaotic coz hard to get space and time to sit down and play their toys. well anyways.. farkhan is getting so smart.. he takes wonderful creative pictures. really.. pictures using digital camera. and he has good memory. he can finish puzzles by himself. he loves watching tv and understands some cartoon stories better than my 5 yrs old cuzin. he is patient went colouring like must make sure inside the lines.. then kalau not nice or accidentally ter-colour outside.. he'll say.. "kakak later you must eraser here ok?" haha...

oh and he loves singing and dancing. sometimes my mum make up songs to tease him and he'll follow as if he knows the song. then he'll improvise the lyrics to tease my mum back. other times he'll just change lyrics of songs to his liking like "twinkle twinkle racing car...." so smart rite?? i know!!! then when he hears songs he'll snap the finger and grin and shake his head from side to side. and he'll tell us "you must click your fingers like this". he's just so smart. ok i can go on and on writing about him. but well.. one just have to experience him. sooo adorable.

ok then on monday.. hari raya haji.. we brought home nadhirah. 5 yrs old. those who went for ilsa tari's arts fest in 2007 would know her as the girl shouting "kakak reeza... i love you" or u can refer to the last picture in post on 31 Oct. so it's the first time she sleeps over coz she has this strong attachment to her mum and her house. but we convinced her to sleep over by saying farkhan loves sleeping over at our house and he has done so 3 times. oh.. and that i bought 3 mushabelly toys. yup.. my baby bought for me.. they are like sooo kiut.. okok.. back to nadhirah.. so ya she decided to stay over.. she loved it.. the next day i decided to take her to library at CCK but skali it's still in renovation.. booo!!.. so i brought her to eat chicken rice.. (she eats like an adult!! more than adults!!) then sent her home. so when we reached i hung out for awhile talking to my aunt (5 hours).. then.. this fickle-minded girl wanted to sleep over at my house again!! i was shocked... she dont noe how tiring it is to entertain her!! so yah.. she packed her bags.. but luckily... my 2nd sis called.. kak elfa said she was at JP (which is now the biggest suburban shopping mall in singapore!!) and asked if wanna bring her to watch Bolt. So i told nadhirah that we'll just go jalan2 instead of sleep over.. then at after movie her dad will fetch her.. so ya from yew tee we went to JP to catch Bolt at 7.10pm. So yah.. she was excited.. i loved the show. Rhino is kiut!! then we went home.. and when i said bye to her i gave her a very much needed reminder "Don't call me everyday..." haha.. coz she has the tendency to do so once she likes going out with someone.. kinda like a date..

so yah.. that's how i keep myself occupied when baby's away. and i'm so glad it's friday coz i get to see my baby !! woo hoo.. i never appreciated weekends this much!

i love you sayang.

un-Holidays

It's the holidays. But I'm not so delighted.
Here's what I have scheduled so far.

5 Nov - 12 Nov: Post Exam Sickness (PES)
This time includes cough, fever and diarrhoea.

5 Nov - January: Keeping myself occupied
Weekdays : Stay home or go out with parents/sisters/young cousins. One/Two meet ups with friends. Hoping Baby can book out to meet me for an hour or so. Waiting for one sms or 5-min call from Baby.
oh.. and i have to start reading some stuff for the soci module next sem so i wun be left out.
Weekends: Smiles. Meet Baby try to update each other about the week. Get stuff ready for Baby to get back to work. Spend as much time and energy left with each other.

So ya. It's been hard. I used to see u everyday baby. now to hear your voice for a while everyday is a huge privilege. BUT.. i do not fret. I know how hard you work and how much you miss me. like we always say... absence makes our hearts grow fondue.. =)

And yeah!!! it's thursday, you're leaving the jungle to camp in a few hours. maybe.. just maybe you'll get a night off. and even if not.. i'll see you tomorrow night. maybe. if u get to leave early and have enough rest. but if not.. i'll see you on saturday. we'll go to weddings, then i'll have to go for the boring briefing. then we'll have our date. a special one. like every other date. special.

i love you. maybe im love sick not PES. i dunno. but yeah. i miss you sayang.

ps: love listening to the same radio station with you. hee...

some other pics

well some other pics i found. but still hasnt uploaded the black-baju pic.


makan at my house 1st day with me on the right.


makan at my house first day with me on the left.


Imran's open house.



Me and Nadhirah on her birthday during raya.
Those of you who went for Ilsa Tari's arts fest in 2007 would know her as the girl who kept on shouting "Kak Reeza I love you!!"

belated raya

Hari Raya is like officially over! Here are some belated pictures.


My family picture at nenek's house.


majority of my cousins with nenek.


me and baby the night of the first day at my house.


two beloved "men" in my life.


The girls trying to step nak touch-up.


The three cute cuzins who can't take pictures properly.


after many attempts to get him to take pictures this is what we got.


This one abit easier to take pictures of.

Well those are like first day raya pics.

I think i have another pic with baby at my house wearing black. but haven't upload.

loving faizal

it has been a very long time since i announce to the world how much in love i am with Faizal.

well here it goes.

I AM SO DEEPLY TRULY IN LOVE. I AM HAPPY. I AM LUCKY.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, Love.

this is more than it seems. you guys just won't really get it. haha.

tears are my weapon. ours.

tears are not signs of weakness in women.
tears are weapons of strength.
not to melt your heart.
not to seek sympathy.
not for you.
but for me.
for us.
women.

tears are drops of pain, anger, happiness, sadness..
drops that need to be released.
need to flow.
need because they balance.
they provide sanity.
flow that brings calm and peace.
not to you.
but to me.
to us.
girls.

tears are my weapon.
our weapon.
ladies.

men don't get it.
boys, pls get it.
gentlemen, you'll get it.

exploding with ramblings

Note to self: this is a mundane whining and day-to-day report kind of boring entry

well since May i have been caught up with other things like hanging out, birthday plans and parties, school administrations and relief teachings. oh and watching drama seasons online. hence, the lack of entries (or to be precise no entries).

i decided to blog after a long time because baby's in the jungles for a week. so there's minimum contact and thus, i feel like exploding with things to talk about. school officially started on monday but lucky me, mine starts on tuesday evening. so i was all excited getting my ISM finalised and anticipating the stress of the modules and expectations. and well.... i was happy to discover it would not be THAT hard for some modules. in fact, my lecturers are rather nice ppl. minus the tonnes of readings (therefore photocopying) i have to do, i think the different teaching styles of the lecturers would be interesting for us. at least you won't dread to go for classes.

well, i also have interesting assignments. investigative journalism for term paper, creative presentations, out of the box type of essays etc. but again, to achieve all this.. the tonnes of readings!! what a turn off.

ok now, my ISM. it will be on the "Malay world". i'm questioning the validity, significance and existence of this world. It is definitely something to think about but i'm not gonna go in detail here. should wait for my final paper to finish at the end of the semester.

argh.. mindless unorganized ramblings.. grr.. what a waste of time. if ppl are reading this.. well sorry for the waste of time. i really need my darling back. 5 days already... going crazy here.. hopefully tomorrow can come back.

note to self: write better entries when more focus only.

Randomness

Love.

It hurts.

The most beautiful pain ever.

Live your nows.

Happy studying Maly. May you get your focus, confidence and will.
I miss you too.

Happy birthday my dearest A'in. May you have successes and happiness.
I miss you babe.

Happy celebrating our love baby. May we achieve our hopes and dreams.
I miss you most.

Life is unfair. Full of dualities. It's funny like that.

an update

im back. not from a holiday but a long break from blogging. i actually had a lot of issues to talk about but i had lost interest in blogging about them for awhile. I also saw no reason to blog about my life in the same period. however, i got my interest back.

well an update of how I've been. one word - tired.

it has been a very trying time for me this past month. not just the exams and the mugging but i revisited my life so far and realised i'm so tired of studying. most of my friends are graduating this year. how i'm tempted to follow suit and start earning money..lotsa money. furthermore my muse won't be around in school next year. however, in the end i weighed all the pros and cons and of course extra few hundred $$ a month is worth my extra year in school. :)

ok then it was the mugging and stress that as usual got me sick to the point of me not wanting to think and just pray hard i could use logic to answer the questions.

also, i faced the most challenge this year due to the lost of my aunt 3 days before my exams. it's the first time ever that i experience lost in my family.. at least those close ones. I did not cry a lot coz she was experiencing a lot of illnesses and so, i could accept reality. however, it did affect me mentally and physically.

i started thinking of how i couldnt live without a few people in my life and how i would survive if anything happens to my loved ones. although i could convince myself that im strong i still failed to control my tears just thinking bout it.

imagine waking up one day not being able to see that smile, touch that hand, smell that nice comforting smell, hear that soothing voice, laugh at his jokes, argue and shout at his stubbornness and ego, hug and hold the one that gives so much warmth... as it is now, just being away could kill your spirit.

well there's this one other thing that has been happening in my family which i shouldn't blog about. but it has taken a whole lot of toll on me. now i'm just enjoying every moment with my baby... falling in love all over again everytime i see him. :)

i know my entry isnt congruent but i'm still in recovery so bear with me.

God pls give me strength.

the littlest things matter

littlest cringe
tiniest frown
miniscule sigh
slightest roll of the eye
littlest touch
tiniest sparkle of the eye
miniscule gratitude
slightest smile

it's just with you for you.
as time goes by...
it becomes invisible..
you become invisible..

so what now?
so what?

read me

sometimes silence says the loudest
blank paints the clearest
pretense manifests the most
and you just wish your heart is heard
your mind is transparent
your intentions are transpicuous

but then SMACK!
you're only human...
in this realm such things are not begotten.

change

so there is a need for change in the world.

but let's not be too ambitious. let's start change from YOU.

my cover

Hey.. I was featured on National Geographic last month for a discovery. It featured my discovery on this deceivingly scary aborigine of a deserted area of Nepal, while doing my research on the revolution. But after spending 10 months doing fieldwork to understand the thick meaning of his culture, I realised that he is actually soft and gentle, loving, intellectual and too witty for normal humans. He can be very funny too. Well, I am happy that I discovered him before any others did and successfully got him to agree to live like us humans. Now I can successfully call him mine...If you see him pls smile and approach him but don't get too close k?! Don't tell me i didn't warn u! (not that he's dangerous. just heartless cos i took his heart and won't return it.)

i love u weird species. =)

hehehehehe... don't be angry lah..

ps: just in case you wanna be on a cover of a magazine, click here.

Part 1

Penghulu kampung telahpun dipilih setelah pilihanraya dijalankan semalam.

Hooray!!

Penghulu mendapat sokongan penduduk-penduduk Kampung Sangiparu seratus-peratus. Ternyatalah Penghulu kita ini dipercayai dan dikagumi semua.

Eh Penghulu ni mesti bagus. Dia tentu jujur ingin membantu kita, orang kita, masalah kita.

Seminggu selepas itu...

Penduduk-penduduk sekalian. Kita harus bangkit. Maju! Terus membangunkan diri. Jangan biarkan masyarakat Kampung Sangiparu ditinggalkan oleh masyarakat lain. Kita harus membantu diri sendiri. Jangan mengharapkan orang lain memberi bantuan. Orang kita bukanlah malas, lemah atau tak kuasa. Orang kita ada kejayaannya.

Eh eh.. Dah memang kita dari dulu kurang daripada yang lain apa. Memang tak adil. Macam mana kita nak maju. Patut kita ada bantuan yang lebih. Abeh si Penghulu ni bukan nak paham masalah kita. Nampak sah anjing pemerintah.

Marilah semua. Kita bantu diri sendiri. Ikut arus kemodenan. Globalisasi. Kalau kita tak majukan diri, negara susah nak maju sepenuhnya.

Oh, sekarang dia kata kita yang susahkan negara ke? Kenapa kita mesti ikut semua orang? Siapa kata kita tak ikut kemodenan. Ye lah. Apa sak? Aku ngan kumpulan aku sama per.. Dorang pun bukan semua orang kampung kita. Global lah tu. Mengarut ar dia ni.

Masalah kita bukan masalah adat atau tradisi. Kita harus sedar akan kelemahan dan terus maju. Kita boleh. Ye kita boleh. Percayalah.. Kita boleh!

Ah.. ye lah. Ni mesti ada yang tak kena. Propaganda lah. Macam kita ni tak tahu.

Oh please. I don't need to hear all these. I'm not like them. He's sooo not referring to me. However, those kampung people should sooo catch up with people like me. Gosh, so reeeemas. Ergh.

Eh. Kita boleh! Betul cakap penghulu. Apa korang tak nak dengar cakap dia ke? Kan korang jugak yang pilih dia. Kata dia jujur? Abeh dia cakap sikit aje dah tak percaya?

Alah, apa yang nak percaya? Sama je apa dia kata. Aku rasa dia ni dapat bayaran lebih lah. Sebab tu dia eksyen kisah. Lagipun aku tak paham lah.. ni semua politik. Aku tak suka lah politik politik ni. Takde kena mengena dengan aku pun. Aku ok aper. Aku leh cakap English. Aku skolah cukup. Aku rasa aku ok. Orang lain pun ada yang macam aku. Asal nak besar-besarkan keadaan kita ni? Menyampahlah..

Penduduk kampung mudah lupa?

Eh kita tak lupa lah. Kurang ajar sak. Dia tu siapa, nak cakap kita ni itulah inilah. Dia pun kirakan orang kampung kita apa. Apa yang dia ada yang bolehkan dia tunjuk-tunjuk aje? Apa yang dia paham? Dia tak paham kita ke? Asal dia spesyel?

oh..WE (not them) so need change. One biggest step - the melayUtopians.

Death that lives on

Have you ever thought of how it would feel if you lose the person you love..
not being able to hear his voice..
feel his touch..
see him smile..
smell his scent..
cuddle in his warmth..?
Especially if you have only been with him for such a short time..
but only been with him everyday of your life..

I have not felt a great lost yet in my life..

and I fear..
I fear how I would be if I lose you..
If you are no longer there..
I fear I am not strong enough to live on..
If you are no longer a reason to do so..
I fear I miss you too much..
If you are no longer touching..

I know if you are not here a great part of my life will be lost..
I know I'd long for you..
I know I'd always need you..
I know I'd always love you..
and you'd always love me too..
you'd be there when I need you..

Then I realise..
Our love is not superficial..
What we have is not only physical..
I have you in my heart, my soul, my mind..
I don't know if I could ever love this much again..

If I ever lose you..
I want you to know that I will miss you..
I will die inside..
But I will live on and take you with me in the remaining journey of my life.
That's how people live on forever..
I promise.

I'm not that afraid anymore..

ku berserah.

Live life like there's no tomorrow.

in the world

in a world where people are envious but cowardly, it is rather hard to believe things that you hear or see..

i actually believe in an anthropological method called interpretive research where you cannot just believe in what you see or hear people do or say.. you have to understand the context and where he/she come from.. different actions can mean different things.. therefore, i would like to assume that the anonymous person who left a disturbing comment on my last entry just made a mistaken interpretation or maybe even got the wrong person.. using this method i can deduce that he/she has made a comment based on a negative purpose of attempting to disrupt my happy life. i cannot make a conclusion of what this intention is because i do not know of the context. however, i know well enough to know that what was said was mere accusations.

in a world where many forces of vengeance and distraction exist, it is rather hard to stay focus on your own strength, your wants, your needs..

unless.. you have trust and faith in yourself, and the people that matter. also unless, you spend almost every waking hour with your want, your need, your strength... so i think this time the anonymous person has failed to shake me off track. i don't understand why people just have to leave such comments. if what you said were true then prove it. tell me in detail what is it that i should know about. coz i believe there's nuttin that i dunno of. and if your intention is good (the typical reason for intrusion) then tell me who you are and what is your basis for such accusations. but hey i guess you have nuttin.

in a world where lies are in abundance i believe in Him, myself and my love.

call me old-fashioned or conservative or wateva but i believe "sepandai-pandai tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua."

baHhhagia

new year.

new semester.

new modules.

same guy.

same love.

new love.

got everything we want.
tremendously happy with each other.
this seems like a positive start to the semester/year.
in school library with my love by my side doing things we do best.
(apparently not studying at least not now)

i simply love you too much. =)

baHhhagia.

Retirement

So we had our handover.... It was fun... 3 years.. and now.. study and love.



Thank you.