busy month

oh no!!! i just got my schedule for my attachment.. it's gonna be one hell of a month.. finishing late most days.. dah macam cikgu betul pulak.. and every monday nite i got dance pract.. and tuition on weekends and one weekday (although weekdays might not be possible anymore for this month) gosh.. im gonna miss my baby. but i think its ok.. at least ayang oso got school till 4pm everyday except tuesday.. it's gonna be trying but worth it in the end. he'll be there to meet me everytime im free :) ohh.. im so lucky. hehe..

so speaking of attachments.. i need shoes and suitable clothes! but i cant afford to shop for an attachment im not paid for lah.. darn.. so how? i dunno. haiz.. 18 days...

oh well.. dunia dunia..

FULL - FILLING!

we went to sakura international buffet last month.. i think 25th may.. it was a very fulfilling experience.. haha very full.. and very filling..



then we went again today.. just being spontaneous.. haha.. but we didnt eat as much as we did the first time.. and no kamal.. we dun mind eating unhealthy coz we are happy people.. and to fairuz.. it doesnt matter if we got fat coz we have something called true love.. haha..

i love eating with you sayang. well i love doing everything with you. :)

aye! aye! captain.

hey captain,

let someone else be captain.
let your crews be spontaneous.
let your ammunition be stored.
let your cannon take a long awaited break.

(wait, no) lets,

let go of the steering wheel.
let the vessel go wild.
let the wind navigate.
let the waves bring you somewhere new.
let the fear of getting lost be a source of new adventure.
let what comes may.

let the storm threaten life.
let big waves shake our ship.
let pirates come and invade.
let us not worry how our men will fight.
let us just fight it all, when it happen.

hey captain,

lets trust our fate.
lets be dangerous.
lets ignore the X on that map.
lets follow the broken compass.
lets get to where that leads.

well, aye aye captain.
but ..
the world is round.
this sea is bigger than the world.

belayar bernakhoda,
berjalan dengan yang tahu,
berkata dengan yang pandai.
tapi kalau gitu setakat selamat ajelah.

merindui

merindukan pancaran yang mendakapi
merindukan rama-rama yang mendampingi
merindukan bulan disisi

ku mencintai mu.

rainy morning thoughts

it has been raining alot, especially yesterday. got drenched to and from ecp. but worth it when it's for a good cause and with the right people.

well rainy cold mornings make me think more about certain things. especially the mushy lovey dovey stuffs, but i shall try spare some people from those. =.)

i was thinking...
i don't think blogging about the person or people you love a lot makes your blog unintellectual. coz u can actually write about them in a very "chim" way and u will still sound intellectual. in fact.. it will just enhance ur sweetness and many other qualities aside from your intellect.

then i was thinking..
why is i t i havent been having intellectual conversations? here, ppl might refer to these conversation topics as current affairs. maybe, there isnt much to talk about or even blog about? and i think we cant just simply force ourselves to talk about them just to be "intellectual". but i have to admit that i havent been reading the papers regularly like i used to. maybe its because im caught up with other things like events, planning for Ilsa, and mostly.. dates. =.) but that shall not be an excuse. so i am gonna tell myself to read the newspaper more often!

after all those thinking..
it has occurred to me that there has been much political talks amongst the students now. "political" because it is the time of the year where handovers are taking place everywhere in school. what surprises me is how some people try bring others down. i have been observing and hearing those stuffs (not just talking about any particular organisation but more than one). and it happens even between friends. sort of backstabbing rite? i cant stand it. i think doing that just make one appears less of a person to the seniors who are deciding. maybe they are not subtle enough. but maybe they shouldnt even try do that. one should just try proof your worth instead of trying to proof another person's negative traits. maybe they really want positions real bad or maybe they just dont want certain ppl there. hmm.. but oh well... that's life. i didnt think it was like that during my time. rite? i hope.. well.. no offense to anyone but it's just a point i had to talk about. but it's all good. it makes the world more colourful and competitive.

and then.. this is the part where some people shud stop reading..=)
time and again i just realise how much i am happy with faizal. how much he loves me. how much i love him. and it has only been a very short period. maybe everything is wonderful now, u say. but it hasnt been all wonderful. we did go through tough times but we pulled through. here tough times are not just simply arguing. but hey, if it doesnt break you it makes you stronger. i believe. i love the way we go through things in our relationship. how honest we are to each other. and all that. what makes it even more happening for me is how our friends who mattered are happy for us. and we can be ourselves around this group of ppl.

i think when it comes to love, one shouldnt judge about the timing or the person or the circumstances. coz love comes unexpectedly. thus, you shouldnt close your doors. sometimes the person you say you wouldnt be together with is THE one for you. sometimes you dont realise how much you love a person if you choose not to see. i knew i waited too long coz i failed to follow my heart. and the consequences of it only we know. therefore, dont judge people who are finding love now. dont judge how fast or how slow they are going. dont judge the person they choose. dont judge how they are going about getting love. but just be happy for them if they have found love again. =)

i am happy i have found love again.
love you sayang. =.)

maly's 21st

well it was maly's and kamie's joint bday party on 16th june. it was a bbq.. and not the party of the year.. but fun!! more of a gathering.. should have games and stuff lagi fun..




newae me n ayang got drenched coz it was raining and we cudnt wait any longer coz we tot we were late.. so we braved the rain and met the jk and nidzam who made us wear silly crowns along east coast.. so then they brought a secret recipe cake.. and balloons and flowers and presents.. the bday girls were surprised!



k then after the official cake-cutting.. we had food and bbq.. done by the guys.. (sempat pulak si dia tu score points).. then as it got darker more ppl came.. and it got boring coz they had meetings! grr.. then after a while some of us just played bridge and sit around.. and eat some more.. kamie had to leave earlier so i didnt get a pic with her. at least not using my cam.. sorrie kamie. oh and then we opened presents.. maly was grinning looking at my present!! then suddenly........



it started raining.. AGAIN.. so we ran to the chalet and hung out a while longer.. haha.. started playing silly games like trying to count 1 to 20 as a group without clashing with each other.. then tried teaching maly bridge! haha.. and talked and talked.. after that ayang did some planning.. and kamal being kamal.. was thinking about dk.. then after the rain got lighter and nidzam and kamal's ride came.. kiter pun balik..


here's wat happen after that... eh-em..


......

........

.........

no maly not about u.. hahaha..

me and ayang went to our bike already.. our helmets soaked and the seats wet.. but since we havent dried from earlier we didnt mind lah.. but then.. dah sampai bike.. mentel pulak kiter.. nak gi toilet.. haha.. so we rode back to the lobby of the chalet.. haha.. went to toilet first pasal tak nak gi chalet maly since the whole family is there.. then we went home.. riding thru the drizzle.. hehe..




oh here's when the drawing was first done maly.. without the words yet.. oh and of course the image that we follow.. we had to experiment how it looks like.. to make it look real.. haha..

Faizal Rawi

how is it you never fail to sweep me off my feet?

hatiku sentiasa berdegup pantas memikirkanmu
yang tidak pernah gagal hadir ketika ku perlu
kadangkala terasa lemah jasadku pabila merenung matamu
yang berkata seribu satu kata-kata manis
jiwaku bergelora melihat senyumanmu
yang melontarkan seribu satu perasaan indah

how is it that the many pictures of me loving you loving me is never enough?

mungkin perasaan ini tidak dapat kutuliskan.
tidak dapat kugambarkan.
hanya kita berdua sahaja dapat memahami perasaan ini
yang tidak perlu dan tidak dapat dipaparkan hitam-putih

how is it we have always felt home ever since we know each other?

keikhlasan. kejujuran.
dua hati dua jiwa yang telah lama memanggil,
melaungkan nama cinta sejati
menantikan masa ia dapat berputik
tiada lagi rasa kaku atau segan.
bulan dan rama-rama telah bertemu di langit teratas.

that murmuring in your heart is telling you that it is my heart you have.
that crazed feeling we have shall not have to be named.

ku dapat harungi segala cabaran dunia yang dilontarkan padaku denganmu di sisiku.

you make me feel safe.
your presence engulf me
in a way nothing and noone can hurt me
you shun away all the negative vibes
and made me the girl you love.
it was all you sayang.

how is it i hate being without you but i could still be strong alone?

dan tidak dapat kunafikan lagi.
gambaran yang dilakar olehmu juga terlukis di hatiku.
"berjalan berduaan, berdampingan, berkompang dibawah kolong blok bersamamu dikalangan makcik pakcik yang sungguh-aku-tak-kenal sambil mereka makan nasi minyak."

you took fear away from me.
you taught me to be the wonderful person i am now.
you brought out the best in me.

it doesnt matter what love meant to you back then.
it doesnt matter what others meant to you back then.
coz i don't think you know the meaning of love the way you do now.
coz i don't think i know the meaning of love the way i do now.
and so this is OUR love. OUR true love.

itulah ia...
'perasaan tak bernama yang tidak pernah kurasa dengan sesiapa'

with that..
i LOVE you, Faizal Rawi.

=.) ku paham. you understand?

very brave indeed

i did sumtin very brave today.

well.. for those who have been reading my blog for quite sumtime.. i think in one of the posts i talked about how love does not only happen once. well here's a chapter two or some sort.


well.. noeing that love dun only happen once, the next time it happens.. it will inflict a bit more pain. mainly bcos then.. u have an old love as the past. thus, having an old love might affect ur current love. well not that it will make the person love u less or upset u had a past coz if that happens then mebbe that person just doesnt love u at all.. but i think the other will feel the pain when she/he reads or hears about ur past, especially when it's so vivid that it's as if he/she were there to see those exchanges happening. no.. if u love someone so much u wudnt think of whether or not he loves u now.. coz u shud noe that..

it's just that u wud think of how it wud be better if u were there earlier before the ex. so that u cud save ur loved one the pain of having to go thru that. then.. u wud also wonder why it took so long for him to realise that it wasnt working. 2 yrs? and then it's worst when u were actually there at about 1.5 yrs to observe the breakdown but it was not the end.. and then u realise that he had been goin thru that for way longer than u noe.. then u think of whether wat u have now is different.. and that he feels it's different.. or whether he is the most happiest. or THIS is it.. or whether... i dunno just so many things.

then again.. sometimes u cant help but to picture ur love with others.. and it just hurts so much. coz u know he wasnt really happy coz he is soooo happy now. then u think of how unfair it is for him to go thru that.. and why is it u didnt meet him when u were 5 instead? but mebbe if things happened differently then things mite not be as wonderful as it is now.. so we shan't think abt wat ifs.. and dun regret.. just recognise.. and have faith in ur love now. love with the fullness of ur heart..

then u just wanna hear that indeed u are different from every other.. and that this feeling he has is different from every other.. and that when he reads those again he thinks that it wasnt love.. and THIS is love. and just everything to tell u that THIS is right for him and just how much he loves u. but then when u have read or heard those things.. u wud want something more than wat he had given in the past to the others coz that cudnt be THE love for him.. and if THIS is THE love.. then there shud be more..



well actually.. i was reading old entries.. cried but i went on.. its just sumtin i had to do.



i noe u love me more than ever. i do too.. =) dun worry im ok. i noe wat u feel or felt.. we both wish all those things didnt happen and i think that's good enuff to noe.. although it cudnt happen..

i noe we will have more sweet, romantic, wonderful times..

i love u sayang.

at this age

at this age..

guilt trips dun work
threats has no effect
beatings will make it worst

at this age..

they tend to lose control
they no longer support u
they have no say

at this age...

their care no longer obvious
their words mean less
their nags angers you.

at this age..

i just wanna be left alone.

go simple

well i decided to go simple. so yah. it is common but well.. nice on the eyes.

hearts you.

same things different time

so we went to that same place.
same crowd.
same few songs.
same many stars.
same sudden cold breeze.
same wet ground.
same butterflies in my tummy.
same look in our eyes.
and that same magical feeling.

it was simply beautiful. it was as if we transported through time to get there and relive that very moment. just different clothes and different us. we were you and me back then. :)

well, i love yesterday coz it just reminded me of how much we wanted this. how much we went thru to get this. and how happy, elated we are now. it reminded me of all those harsh times we had to face and all the initial stages of negativity we had to overcome. i remembered exactly how i felt that day and the feeling i had yesterday was millions and millions times better. i have no regrets at all. that day answered all our doubts which built up through many months. that day determined our destiny today.

just standing there with aching feet (due to the heels n tons of walking and standing) looking at you, fills me up with warmth and gratitude. and the many gushes of love is simply nice. that look in ur eyes. that smile. i could just see everything you felt through them.

thank you so much for going through all this with me. thank you for being most happiest. thank you for loving like u never loved before. thank you for being mine.

if u believe in sumtin, it will happen.
never regret loving. never fear failing in love.
it's all good.

i love you.

syukur alhamdulillah.

we went thru the journey of how we got here. it was tough. but worth it. =)

i love you.

family day @ zoo

it was 3rd June.. We reached the zoo for the ICA family day. ayang was so excited. then skali kena sabo.. they made him a tribal bride. her name is Duga. haha.. there's actually a video.. but got rating so cannot post here.. haha.. so kiut lah u. =.) then ayang played some more games. he was so supportive lah..



After all those heat and lethargy at the family day area.. we went around the whole zoo!! we first went to see my favourtite white tigers. the tiger at the background was just pacing back and forth at the edge and it was as if it was eyeing the humans! haha.. then we went to see the underwater ballerina of west africa.. kiut kan? haha hensem lak tu..



then we took random pictures.. which one of the four in the first pic is faizal?? haha..







some more random pictures..





can anyone spot reeza in the picture??? for this i think u need to enlarge the pic to see.. hint at the bottom of the page.. haha..






then after the tiring day and all.. we went home.. changed.. and went for dinner.. BLACK PEPPER CRAB!!! it was expensive lar.. haha.. should have gone to a seafood restaurants like bestari or sumtin instead.. but it was worth it.. since we were starving the whole day..


i love you sayang.



hint: on the extreme left next to a rock.

bahagia

diriku ini sedang lemah. lelah. mata belum cukup dipejam. jasad belum cukup berehat. keringat banyak diperah. namun... hati tetap tenang. hati tetap riang. sesuatu telah berlaku pada hatiku. mungkinkah itu cinta?

sejak kebelakangan ini hatiku tidak dapat disakiti. semangatku tidak dapat digoyah. dia seakan memberiku satu daya yang seolah-olah tidak akan lenyap. dia seakan sentiasa mendorongku sehinggakan kadangkala aku lupa erti penat atau sukar. hidupku berubah. aku lebih bahagia. aku telah lakukan pelbagai perkara yang selama ini aku enggan lakukan kerana kurang keyakinan. dan juga.. aku dapat melakukan pelbagai perkara yang baru. segalanya dapatku capai. namun.. kakiku sentiasa dijejakkan ke bumi. ada seketika aku teringat akan kedaifan diriku ini kerana dia sentiasa mengingatkan secara langsung atau tidak.
dia bukanlah sempurna tetapi cukup bagiku. lelaki yang terima kelemahan dirinya dan meminta maaf walaupun kadangkala lewat.. banyak rintangan yang telah dilalui dan masih diharungi. tapi aku yakin kita 'kan mencapai melampaui bintang di langit. cinta yang semakin dalam ini sungguh indah. kita masih tabah.

tiada rahsia lagi.

kerinduan padamu sentiasa di hatiku. mungkinkah kau rasakan yang sama?

i bahagia. u bahagia tak?